I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve had to go through the ybm database to figure out a user’s background or posting history. It’s pretty much been limited to a handful of instances where a user was demonstrating malicious behavior toward the site itself, and we needed to take corrective action. Otherwise, our users are free to continue with their often profanity-laced, sexually charged and non-politically correct commentary, as it is a unique part of what makes ybm what it is today.
It’s always been our policy to maintain our users’ privacy and anonymity, but we never expected to have to question this policy until we came across what appeared to be the very first attempted suicide on ybm. Some of you who were around this morning for this dialogue may think this is an exaggeration; that it was just a small cry for attention. Maybe it was a legitimate suicide attempt, maybe it wasn’t, but regardless, the poster’s distress seemed very real.
What should we have done? We wanted to protect this woman’s privacy, but at the same time we were genuinely concerned about her and her childrens’ well-being. We chatted with her through her posts to offer support, but should we have done more? Piece together her identity from her user information and post history? Try to locate her whereabouts? Would we be overstepping some unwritten boundary?
In the end, we did determine several bits of information that gave us a strong idea of who she was and where she lived, but we decided not to pursue it further and instead nervously waited to see if she would come back to post again. Luckily, after a few hours passed, she did return to let everyone know she was ok for the moment.
Some of you will be up in arms about the invasion of privacy, and some of you will criticize us for not doing enough. We’re not trained professionals, and this is a situation we never anticipated, but we clearly need to put some thought into how to handle this sort of situation in the future.
Lastly, It’s easy to forget that while there’s a lot of frivolous nonsense that gets posted on ybm to pass the time, there is still an underlying support network that is very real for many of our users. But in the end it is just that, a support network. Nothing more, nothing less. If you are contemplating suicide, please stay safe and seek professional help. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) is a good place to start and is available 24×7.
Its always been your policy? You sound like you’ve been running UB for years, not this replica site for a month.
You, in effect, steal someone else’s brand and audience, replicate it, and now you are the torch-bearer of decency on banning?
Please.
I think Betty is an idiot. You did the right thing, but don’t feel responsible for anything/everything that happens on the site. There are millions of unmoderated msg boards out there and YBM is one of the best ones I’ve seen. People will always be idiots, there’s not much you can do about that except give them a forum.
Must be a scary position to be in. Not a lawyer but wondering if there is some legal obligation or responsibility that you assume when posts such as these come up. I did not see the post but my gut tells me you did the right thing.
ITA with everyone else; Betty is an idiot.
I’m an idiot for pointing out the truth? I stated facts, that all. Just be honest and admit it was not right, you build your own site not replicate some other one and even take the brand, youbemom. You two mothers - hope you don’t tell your kids what you did, they may question whether it was honest.
Betty, you represent what I always hated about UB.
I NEVER comment on any blogs I read but Betty - this one is for you… This mother and father duo responded to a cry for the “old UB” and replicated it because people were longing for it to return. Maybe you weren’t around to watch it all unfold but the originators of YB did exactly what everyone (but you apparently) wanted them to do. If you have such issues why would you even frequent the site? If you have a problem, leave. It’s as simple as that. But instead you’ll not only hang around and enjoy YB you’ll read the blog and bash the creators. You, my dear, have much more to be worried about and your children are the ones we should all be feeling sorry for.
As for the suicide ideation the other day. I was online and watching on the edge of my seat wondering if I should give the mom my phone number, etc. There have been a few times on UB/YB that I have sat online for a very long time with someone until they were able to come out of the moment. And I am happy to do that. This is a chat board - this stuff happens on all of them across the net. I think you guys handled it well and with respect to privacy. If you saw it was going too far you could have done something because you were prepared with information. Thank you for all you do for us.
Betty, the other website changed its format and alienated its core members. youbemom simply filled a void and there is no dishonesty that i can see here.
I would presume that a lawyer would say you don’t have a responsibility to intervene, correct? But given the facebook harrassment case I would be very nervous about this, if it were my site. It’s very easy to imagine a YBM floor fight that went out of control, and someone who is suicidal anyway could be very poorly affected by our (often terrible) behavior.
Fascinating but sad. I’ll check back for other strange ethical dilemmas the Purple Pair may be encountering as admins.
and omg, how sad it is to contemplate someone killing themselves on YBM? Imagine if the last thing someone read was “jealous bpp” or “is this bag worth 1K? ?
I was on for that cry for help post. I was genuinely worried about that poster too. I think you did the responsible thing.
oh, and betty? enough already.
Sounds like you did the right thing. For all the bitchiness and nasty insults this site seems to brin out of people, I have been on a few times and seen people really rally around someone in trouble. Several years back a mom came on early in the morning clearly in the throes of major ppd and having a meltdown. Almost to a post, every person responding did their best to help her. Several women posted their phone numbers and offered to come take care of her baby for a few hours to give her a break. It was enough to bring tears to your eyes.
There are some nasty people on here, but I feel by and large, when it’s really serious, the posters here do the right thing.
I never felt like a bigger ass in my whole life. I was in such a desperate place that morning and I needed help. It wasn’t a suicide attempt - yes I felt like just going to sleep to escape the pain I was feeling. I was crying for help in a very lame way but I was really unstable at the time. I have since apologized to all of you and thanked all of those who have been so supportive to me.
I want to apologize as well to the creators of YBM for putting them in such a position. I am truly ashamed that I caused all of this fuss.
I know I brought it upon myself but I wish everyone would stop referring to me as Benadryl mom. It just brings back the shame and pain every time I see it.
I love being on YBM - I have been a part of this community for two years now. I misused the forum once and I regret it. But I am glad to know I have this forum for support and advice.
@Triplet Mom, Don't give it another thought. We are just happy that you and your children are safe.
- YBM
Betty in NJ: it seems as if you are the most frequent comment poster here, responding to every single blog post pretty much. You are bitter and have an agenda - who are you? Out yourself now. Your agitated response is testimony to youbemom’s success. Incidentally, the Japanese were always criticized by your kind for taking american ideas and making them better, cheaper, more efficient - think cars and electronics. Their economy was essentially built on this ability, and it comes out of a culture of listening to the customer. What you are seeing here is just history replaying itself, just on an internet platform.
not for nothing, but I am on another site for survivors of abuse. It’s also a support site, not run by professionals. A woman was talking about suicide, and the administrators went ahead and called 911 to do a “well check” on her. She felt sheepish, but to me (and to her), that was infinitely better than finding out she’d offed herself. that’s just an alternate story, not saying what you should have done.
@Amy K, thanks for that note. Good food for thought. - YBM
Ooooo, I like the new blog, YBM! Very nice.
And refreshing that basic human empathy conflicted with the sacrosanct confidentiality we all hold so dear. It gives us yet another glimpse into your soul.
And Betty from NJ…you sound like a One-Trick Pony. Go away.
if i ever get to the point where i want to kill myself and i cry out for help on ybm, you have permission to look me up and call 911.
if it’s a legitimate cry, then you’ve saved a life. if it was fake, then you’ve taught a very sick person a lesson and everyone else on ybm-it’s not a joke to fake suicide and we’ll send the cops to your house.
oh and maybe you should look up betty’s info and see if she works at cnet.